A Guide To Fatherly Wisdom

What Men's Health Left Out

Recently, Men's Health magazine listed the '12 Smart Things Every Father Should Teach His Son.' These included everything from such no-brainers as which way to twist a jar top to get it off (we usually just slam the jar top against the kitchen counter like a bar fighter cracking off the neck of a beer bottle) to what to do if you're stopped by a cop (apparently, Dad thinks Junior's life ambition is to knock over a liquor store).

I believe this list is far from comprehensive and omits some very crucial advice. With this in mind, I'd like to go ahead and add to the list. Not only that, I'm going to provide 10 Smart Things Every Father Should Teach His Son ' because I believe in over-achievement in everything I do.

Please feel free to paste this article up on your boy's bedroom wall, or write the list backwards on his forehead while he's asleep so he'll see it in the bathroom mirror in the morning.

Now, without further ado, 10 Smart Things Every Father Should Teach His Son:

1) Don't leave your girlfriend alone with Charlie Sheen. She may get a reality show out of it, but there's not much in it for you.

2) Learn Spanish.

3) When you're having a hectic day, make time for a relaxing Haircut and Straight Razor Shave, instead of heading to a Starbucks like everybody else. Caffeine makes you jittery ' haircuts make you feel warm and loved.

4) Acne is God's way of telling you you're way too good-looking.

5) Don't shave in the dark.

6) Lacrosse, soccer, football and rugby are all basically the same thing ' a bunch of guys running from the one end of the field to the other. Basketball is different. It has a floor.

7) A dog is man's best friend. Don't tell your future wife.

8) Prepare mentally for the day when there will be no more hair on your head, but plenty on your ears.

9) Even though your cable system now carries 400 channels, there is still nothing on.

10) When you're on the first date with a girl you really like, avoid using the term 'boogers.'

Of course, this list is still not complete ' I haven't even dealt with golf, barbequing or why it's inappropriate to wear a polo shirt to your sister's wedding ' but we think it will suffice for now.


------

For the ultimate male makeover, drop by your local Kennedy's All-American Barber Club' - where they guarantee 'The Best Haircut and Straight Razor Shave You've Ever Had or It's Free''. Visit their website at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com to find the nearest Kennedy's location near you - and if you're in a moneymaking frame of mind, check out the great franchise opportunities available.